I've been reading people's confessions and either people are really holding back and only saying the not so bad things or I'm just a bad person. Ugh. I'd rather be honest than anything else. So, prepare to be a little shocked, but enjoy.
1. My longest relationship was four years. Before we started dating, I had slept with one other person. At the end of our relationship, my number was eight. I cheated on him with seven different people, including the person I was with before him.
2. I think about doing drugs or actually do drugs every single night. I'm not talking about heroin, meth, or cocaine. I just smoke a lot of weed. I actually get excited to drive while I'm high. When I'm high, I look at this as a challenge. Basically to see if I can make it to my destination unscathed.
3. 99.9% of my day is spent thinking about sex. I've pondered the idea that I'm a sex addict, but don't really want to know what that may entail.
4. I can see every flaw my boyfriend has. I know that he's a liar, an asshole, and won't amount to much... but I'm disgustingly in love with him and secretly know that I won't leave him until he leaves me. This fact leaves me feeling incredibly empty and disgusted with myself.
5. I genuinely care about other people's feelings, even though I don't always make decisions that show that. I think about other people significantly more than I think about myself. It becomes harder everyday to function for myself while doing this.
6. I know that I have some kind of undiscovered mental disorder. I haven't decided if it's more likely depression, bipolar, or anxiety. Sometimes, being inside my mind, is so much to handle that I actually force myself to sleep so that I don't have to think anymore.
7. I leave comments on almost every Xanga entry I read because I know how much it means to me when someone takes time out of their day to comment on my thoughts.
8. My biggest regret is videotaping sex acts with an old friend. I'm terrified that he'll either put them on the Internet or use them against me in some way.
9. I routinely play mind games and manipulate my boyfriend, friends, and family to get what I want. I've decided I have an almost sickeningly amazing talent for it.
10. I cry every single day of my life because the people in my life walk all over me and treat me like nothing. Sometimes I cry so hard that I throw up.
Now you can judge me, because I know you will. If you think these are things I'm proud of, you're sadly mistaken. Sometimes it's like there's two people living inside of me. One genuinely cares about other people and wants to be happy, while the other is impulsive and too quick to go after what she wants. That side of me is depressed and insane and I'm not sure how to help her. Confessions are nothing but cries for help.
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